Lots of prayer for me hahah, most of the time I make myself laugh if not ill cry. Really God gives us the wisdom to effectively discipline each child in each situation, God knows our children’s hearts. Although I covered the guidelines for hitting/throwing above, those are mostly for slightly older kids. I love the idea of positive discipline and the idea of raising a critical thinker who acts because they do have their own moral compass. This usually happens while out. I have been praying about this very thing, how to discipline and disciple and be loving and not yell, yada yada yada! At home, if their only options are healthy choices, that’s what they’ll eat, and it’s super important for parents to model healthy eating. Simple explanations are so great. I was not implying that. Please like, comment and share this post to spread awareness among parents and also to encourage me . Time out and the rest great. I involve them in cooking and learning to make their own healthy options, and I keep lots of healthy options around. ” Please dont hit the cat because it hurts her and it makes her sad. It’s really the teaching/training that goes on at all other times that is so important. We’ve never spanked or used time out and my kids are well behaved (not perfect of course), gentle, compassionate, kind, and respectful. My goal over time is to modify their behavior, to teach them empathy and give them an internal moral compass. Thank you for this post. i dont want to raise a brat. I definitely disagree with you on spanking (particularly in that there is a right and wrong way to do it), but I loved a lot of the ways you handled situations in this article. Right now my eldest got a bad habit from someone…. […], […] It’s similar to Montessori in that it’s based on logical consequences to misbehavior. Somehow that satisfied my mom. I have a question about this statement that you made: “Since that’s probably how it goes down in a lot of homes, we can’t say that spanking is okay, in a general sense, or that “the right way” is better. 5 Examples of Positive Discipline for Toddlers. For instance if you are out and there is a table full of sweets, or what they make for their own breakfasts, etc…, We talk a lot about healthy food choices all the time. It’s up to each person to decide what they believe about raising children and what is going to work best for them. LOVE THIS! His son grew up to be a cold hearted, cruel, merciless man, hated by his people. We refuse to do meds & I don’t think it’s bad enough where he needs them anyways. Everyone is different. I want them to love Jesus, I want them to feel empathy for others, I want them to be confident and happy and know how to do right — and do it because it’s right, not because they fear punishment. If the cleaning isn’t done when he gets here, they won’t get to play with him until they are finished. 6 Reasons and Solutions of Head Banging in Autism, 7 Ways to Deal with Temper Tantrums in Toddlers, 5 Factors That Define How Much Babysitting Charge. . This is why it is so important to spread awareness among them and provide some examples of positive discipline to maintain the order at home and adjust our children’s behaviour in a modern way. We use both regularly, but more importantly, we pray a lot, especially when there is wrongdoing. You all have responsibilities. The majority of parents are victims of domestic violence in the past. (I really didn’t “get” how to keep things clean even as an adult and had to learn!) (Not unlike parents who are told not to spank but not given alternatives, eh?) Kids sometimes misbehave because they got what you don’t want them to do, but they don’t know what to do instead. It is hitting a defenceless child and there is no correct way to do it. He’ll have a grudge, and this could prompt him to take revenge on you in the future – Trust me, some shocking facts have happened in the past. Everyone is so different and you just don’t know how they are experiencing it. We have recently decided to not spank our children anymore. Then we make sure they understand the connection that they’re having a meltdown because they ate crap. If they ran in the street, we would go inside and be done playing immediately. I have felt it best to spank him calmly and explain to him I didn’t want to spank him as much as he didn’t want to be spanked but I love him and his actions were sinful and God corrects and disciplines us for our sin. Running/Wildness. I have noticed over time that spanking him made everything worse. My son does not spank bc he does either. Teach them how to do it repeatedly until you are sure they really understand — you might be surprised that they don’t. You know your child best. I work x – y everyday, so I can’t do these chores that have to be done during the day. Thanks! I’m sorry if you thoguth screeching brats was aimed at you. I am a new mom at age 36. and we know it is not the solution so he(husband) asked me to email this to him so he can read it and i have to re read it a few time (perhaps even print it out) that way we practice positive discipline, and we also try to stay biblical but sometimes when your angry to shoe is quick to come off. I have always thought spanking was the easy way out of a difficult situation. (Not looking for an argument – Just my 200 cents.). Cleaning Up. You might be missing the “opportunity” if they are getting a second wind as you are putting them to bed — perhaps try starting your bedtime routine 30 minutes earlier. Something to consider. 2. In order to succeed a child needs: The article links to the study. I don’t let my kids hit me or each other (and I don’t hit them to teach them not to hit). How to you react to “tantrums” that you know is pure frustration? Wouldn’t it be more accurate to stick with your own experience, as you did state, and not possibly offend other parents who do use spanking as discipline, are very careful to never spank out of anger, and do spend lots of time cuddling and loving their children afterwards? That is important to me. Spanking is a bad experience and may make him feel shocked. Hit ’em if you love ’em so they grow up to be good.”  I won’t say what I think of that line of reasoning but it isn’t nice. Strong-willed kids are hard. There is a whole big list of articles approved by Psychology Today (some even on how hitting/spanking affects the brain). I have morning chores I do every morning. It also involves no spanking. My boys get very upset when the toy gets put away. We protect. Amazon Suggestion: Click on the book cover to see more details. This gives her positive attentionfor what she’s done right, rather than reinforced the things she did that are against the rules. My first child was nothing like this so I’m extra frustrated with this. Is there any advice you can offer during this transition period for older kids? You could promise them something fun, like, “Let’s ALL try to stay on top of our chores this week, me too, and if we do it, we’ll reward ourselves with a family trip on Saturday.” Make it obvious that you all feel happier if the boring stuff stays done (and it’s easier if you keep at it instead of letting it pile up) and that you can have more fun together too. I have never had a single negative comment on their behavior. 2. I don’t know how you interpret this, but I don’t think that especially the last verse is talking about verbal instruction. I spank, when I need to. Anyone who thinks ANY way of parenting will spare you from any sort of tantrums/bad moods/etc. I say you need to control your actions, focus and then punish your child rationally. Or, bring snacks or a game along with you and stick him in the cart anyway and give him the snacks or game to keep him occupied. One day when she was overtired and didn’t wanted to go to sleep at night we had the same scenario and I just threatened that I will take her to the shower (I thought she will fully wake up from it) and she stopped her tantrum right away. I have a problem with my 2 1/2 year old coming to me when I ask her to. We hardly have tantrums – if we do we talk him through what’s happening and he is fine. When understanding the uses of the rod/hook during Biblical times it helps one see how it better applies to raising children by GUIDING and PROTECTING them with the “rod” NOT striking them. The transition period is HARD. When we’re out, if there are sweets or whatever, it’s a special treat. Trust me, when you abuse your child, not to teach but to relieve your pressure, you will feel guilty after a few minutes. Rub his tummy? Instead of hitting your child, you might give him homework, no video games, no TV, no favourite food … etc. I pinned this yesterday, and needed it tonight! That makes a big difference too. But they won’t remember all the time, just like we don’t either. As I’m writing, the kids are cleaning up their art activity in the kitchen, and Grandpa is coming to visit soon. Thanks!! In the end she just gets her way, then I will clean up after her and hope that it will never repeat. I wish more parenting articles where written this way. I loved reading this, this is exactly the direction we are headed in, in our home. We lead our children by teaching and modeling the behaviors and values we expect. Thank you for posting this! I kept doing this until they were completely strapped when I stopped, until I shut the car off. This is a great post. Now he is three and he misbehaves most of the time. She may open the door and slam it again, well lots of things like that she may do to show that she is angry, if I’m ignoring her and going further from her room she may follow me and start doing the same thing in my room. We have struggled with knowing “what to do” now that we are not spanking. We also learned to hide and suppress our frustration, anger, resentment …perfect children to an outsider… It did a lot of harm to us, and it will take lifetime to overcome the integrated urge to spank and yell at my own children, another lifetime to learn to express own feelings adequately and to communicate constructively. Ps. I go in and say good night to each alone and then Daddy goes in to do a final “tuck” and say good night, and then they are down. I also think that if you don’t require children to ask for forgiveness of a child when they hurt someone, and they get in a pattern of not asking for forgiveness, then as adults, they don’t see the necessity of making things right with someone that they have hurt.