Take care. She had a boyfriend who was trouble. Today, I’m close to the age my mother was then. Participate in this conversation via email, http://susanawildner.com/blog/challenge-smile. I was happy to find a place where I could feel like I was making a contribution. Similar logic to passing a John Doe law in order to protect those who legitimately report suspicious activity to authorities (i.e. It took me a while to figure out what the problem was in her household. Sad but true, no good deed goes unpunished is usually the case in my life. And how can you better your life if you are not grateful and morally obligated to those who helped you in your toughest times?! The punishment is inconsequential to me. After a while, I called her grandmother to ask how she was. In 1994, Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by a black male in Detroit. I was too close and too emotional about it. We figured out exactly what grades she needed to achieve in each class to get into the most prestigious college in New York City’s public university system. In my own case, it's not the recipient but the universe that punishes me, sometimes even before I can go to do the good deed. Good Deeds tend to be punished when there is group think and "everyone" is doing the wrong thing. Perhaps never fulfilled. I am overseas and am a knitter and hoped to find some communities to make some connections. Such unusual things always come as a shock to me — and they ALWAYS come soon after I perform a good samaritan service. I am not a native speaker, but these are my best attempts, and I would say: 1.No good deed goes unpunished = No hay buenas acciones (obras) que quedan sin castigo. Perhaps never fulfilled. There are many aspects of ourselves that craves love help and attention. Later on, after years and years of helping, they rejected me and worse, they lied about me and my husband and wildly exaggerated the times when I was less than perfect. A version of this story appears on Your Care Everywhere. Thank you. I felt sympathetic. So no good deed goes unpunished. Really? We caught an entire cooler of fish and lost count on who caught which fish. Answer is of course: NO! Others are not more important than self. (I know this is followup to a rather old thread, but this blog post offered up a wonderful chat topic for a recent Sunday School discussion….Thanks! ", Dictionary, Encyclopedia and Thesaurus - The Free Dictionary, the webmaster's page for free fun content, Republican lawmaker votes to shove' levy repeal to Ducey. As my mother’s good friend since Jr. High school (until the day he was fatally shot at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, on April 4, 1968) is quoted, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. However, the difference is when we react to people in a godly manner (caring and selfless), we too are crucified (so to speak) in a manner that wounds us deeply. ie the timing is not right. Thank you so much for this post. Gold star for you. Basically, I have come to discover, that most people only care about themselves. She applied to college. This world we live in takes all kinds, good and bad. If I’m called, it’s my Christian obligation to answer then and there, rather than letting God go to voice mail. She wanted to be the first person in her family to go to college. I am an attorney providing legal and compliance advice to a trade organization for the past 15 years. I found out later that she was still going on vacations with the abusive husband. This way, I can't and won't be disappointed. Anyways, I saw her true colors finding out she isnt the sweet innocent person she let me to believe she was. I have learned to deal with people on a individual basis you give each person a chance to prove that they are worth your kindess in the future. It seems ok to help others provided we are energised, enjoy the situation and our motivation is good. IN TODAY'S WORLD, WE HAVE THE EXTRA BURDEN OF SOCIAL MEDIA COMPLICATING AND ADDING TO THE DISTRESS OF "NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED". After talking to countless people and getting drilled on why it was missing, I finally got the part and it was being sent to the customer’s house in 10 days. While it does not say, "Thou shalt not be punished for good deeds", it certainly is a biblical principle. It's great to know that I'm not alone on both points: no good deed goes unpunished, and that doesn't mean I should change my helpful, kind-hearted nature and impulse. She flared up at me when a new person walked into the group seeking help 5 minutes before the group began, and dressed me down angrily over a rule I knew nothing about. HIS OTHER COMMENT TO KEEP ME GROUNDED AND SAFE WAS ALWAYS, "DON'T GET INVOLVED". If you feel isolated, become a better listener. Here at Psychology Today, you will see references to plenty of research that helping others, in small and large ways, is a path to happiness as well as success. Later, I was trying to process what happened and make sense of it and saw your blog. Maybe Tina doesn't want to remember those times or she is painting a slightly different picture of her past to her new friends and colleagues. That's the punishment that comes from helping others. You represent her world when it was the worst, when she was struggling, you know her secrets. I was happy to find a place where I could feel like I was making a contribution. In my thirties, I considered becoming a social worker myself. I have many may friends, we all help each other, but live our own private lives. BUt as long as you try. I am of the belief that is a Christian’s duty to help people in need. But I know that the recipients may sometimes withdraw and sometimes go out of their way to hurt me. I did a good deed. I had the presence of mind to stay calm, apologize, quickly said "your group, your rules" and backed down. Unfortunately it’s not always safe, convenient and predictable when we’re expected to step forward and do the right thing. After years of counseling and lots of self-care, I figured out I don't have to own their barbs and I can gently let go. Many vulnerable people receive help from state, UN and personal and private sectors that is not always helpful and then they become cynical. So, to prevent the poor kid from becoming a serial killer, I keep custody of him full time, while I only see my kids half the time. just tell him about the off free legal services. These two got something for free and was upset over it. I just wonder what would be the right word to describe those typa ppl who are around you just for wanting your help? Many people don’t like being helped — and they withdraw. I like the general idea behind this phrase. Sadly, it just goes with the gift and we end up...."with no good deed going unpunished.". Many, many times I have realised people sometimes don't want to be helped - so I'm also learning to be a better helper. For the past 2 years, I helped a neighbor, an immigrant who knew little English and has 2 daughters too. It got me thinking that the entire Bible is based on not only the truth of what Jesus has done for the world, but people's reaction is either one of believing Him and embracing Him, or rejecting Him--all because of His good deed of dying for the sin and shame of the world. A comically acerbic statement transforms this perspective. She didn’t answer my calls. I asked her sister if she know anything about it and if she was OK. I googled "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" and this article came up. I have had it happen again and again. Could it be that those doing the good deed expect too much in return even if we know that those we are helping can't return the favor. I told that department supervisor not to bring anyone else to me. Was she in prison? So my husband is stuck waiting in a motel until his return flight allows him to come home. You represent her world when it was the worst, when she was struggling, you know her secrets. I did notice she was becoming cold towards me, thinking that she was ready to move on. So yes it’s an ugly side of humanity that some people don’t care how anything effects the enviorment or someone else. I am inclined to help people when they need it, when they ask for it. Afterwards I simply went about my normal day, usually putting the event behind me. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. And since then I've not been shocked thereafter by some disappointing and upsetting occurrence. A week or so ago, a guy’s front-left tire had fallen completely off of his vehicle. I went from having one disabled son to having five children live with my husband and myself. But, I didn't expect it. A few days later, my dad got a call and asked if I was helping somebody run away. That made sense. You’re on a plane going out of town! They may punish you. Later on, after years and years of helping, they rejected me and worse, they lied about me and my husband and wildly exaggerated the times when I was less than perfect. The help offered could be a catalyst to our long forgotten losses,hence, "the punishment" aspect of the phrase. The reasons for some good deeds that back fire is because of a reason too.. Maybe Tina doesn't want to remember those times or she is painting a slightly different picture of her past to her new friends and colleagues. Many people distance themselves from those who helped them - and the distancing is more about the distancer than the person who helped them. How Spirituality, Wisdom, and Mental Health Are Intertwined, Unloved Daughters and the Question of Intimacy, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Don’t Let Social Workers Turn Away LGBTQ Clients, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Research Update, New Research Shows Why Your Decision-Making Could Be Flawed. share. Jane called me the Sunday of Memorial Weekend and I didn't pick up, because I was closed due to the holiday. They may punish you. She applied to college. But she also seemed to mean that the universe would punish you—some other event would occur, only remotely related, that would hurt you. the flying imams in MN). Perhaps this saying should be viewed from the self centered nature of humans who always subconsciously feel that we are owed something in return for a good deed. How did this end? But I think it’s just true. Often we may be making things worse! For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ. The price reflected that purchase. But sometimes they become hostile. It will help you take/make the RIGHT decisions in order to avoid sour feelings. She may be angry with me. With my friend, I would demand she explain to me why she was still with this guy, her meek repeated replies of “I don’t know” strained our friendship.